Flaming Zinc

Something rather amusing from EBay.

I have finally made a telephone cold caller hang up on me. I am thrilled.

The amount of calls I receive on a whole range of products, but primary credit cards, is phenomenal..my new technique is just to keep repeating the phrases “I have no idea what you are talking about/I don’t understand a word you are saying” and they will get so frustrated that they give up

I used to try and be clever saying things like “If I am at home in the middle of the day do you really think you should be offering me credit?” but it was wasted….then I started pretending to be the cleaner but that was only a delaying tactic.

Years ago I read an article about a British family, that when answering cold calls would say “I am sorry I don’t speak French let me get someone who can understand you” and then they would pass it on to the French speaker of the family who would totally confuse them.

1. Four Minute Warning – Mark Owen
2. How You Remind Me – Nickelback
3. Never Again – Nickelback
4. Complicated – Avril Lavigne
5. Jay Walker – Mark Owen
6. Don’t Stand So Close To Me – Sting & the Police
7. Son of a Preacher Man – Dusty Springfield
8. Roxanne – Sting & the Police
9. Friday I’m in Love – The Cure
10. Suicide Blonder – INXS

Cinescape is reporting that Peter Weir’s next project may be William Gibson’s latest book Pattern Recognition.

Alex and I started reading him whilst we were at university (and even spent hours queuing when he came into town to do a book signing), not sure how we discovered him ….probably killing time in a bookshop instead of being in lectures. I am always amazed at how over looked by mainstream SciFi fans he is, maybe it’s because he doesn’t make things easy for the reader – he makes you work but they are so well written it is worth the effort.

Just in case, you ever wondered about my moniker check out his book titles

This is an interesting article on the dangers of too much Law & Order from CNN International. It speaks the truth as you can get sucked in and Alex is always saying that it seems to be on 24/7/365. In the same way in the 90’s comedies seemed to dominate our televisions in the 00’s our obsession has turned to reality and police/crime dramas – I wonder what future athropogists will make of this?

Over dinner Alex came up with a great idea for a spin-off of Fear Factor – put it on the Food Network and make chefs cook with the choice ingredients… oops grossest ingredients but have to come up with something edible. I am slightly insulted that this was triggered by my cooking!!!!!!

Day dreaming away at work I started to mull over a thread in Kill Bill Vol. 2 – which BTW was a most excellent film but for the full upper/downer effect it needs to be viewed straight after Vol. 1. Bill starts rambling about how Superman is his favourite super hero as his costume is not the cape and spandex (as it is with Batman, Spiderman, etc) but the clothes of Clark Kent, so he has to dumb down to fit in rather than glam up to stand out. Interesting – so to varying degrees we all put on our costume and act out a role. So, the question is are you a Batman or Superman – dressing up or down….

I swear this post made sense in my head – but doesn’t appear to translate…I think I really need some telly…too much time to think can be bad thing!

Just got back from test screening of Van Helsing, it was well worth the wait in the queue as the director Stephen Sommers introduced it and announced that we were the first audience to see the whole shebang.

The trailers have been quite misleading, portraying it as a straight vampire drama in the same vein as (couldn’t resist please forgive) Blade but this is very much a family action slash adventure slash comedy – it contains the all the elements that make up a perfect summer blockbuster. For us narrative junkies Van Helsing is the mysterious Euro-slayer from Dracula, here he is working for a secret multi-faith organisation that utilise him to kill supernatural evil forces (of course). There is even a Q like character who has all the ‘latest’ gadgets for our hero. The premise is simple he is sent to Transylvania to protect a princess and battle Dracula – chaos ensues.

Yes – the plot is silly, yes – there is more than a liberal use of CGI but who cares they are not aiming for Chekhov. There is a spooky deja vu with last summers LXG since they overlap villains but in this incarnation it doesn’t take itself to serious and works. Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale are excellent in their respective roles and seem to have a lot of fun with the battle of the barnets. But, in the true tradition of horror Dracula is the star and Richard Roxburgh does a capital job (I have a feeling his inspiration was Adam Ant and I kept waiting for him to break into a verse from ‘Prince Charming’). Plus keep you eyes peeled for for a relative of Riff Raff.

I’m having a bad day, feeling v grumpy and my morning was rather disruptive. So to brighten up my pm I thought I’d see a movie before yoga. My gut said Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind but given the large cloud hovering overhead I decided to go for something more linear – Connie and Carla.

It stars the leads from Muriel’s Wedding and My Big Fat Greek Wedding as best friends from school on the run from mobsters and ended up hiding out as drag queens…the twist they are a huge success (so much for laying low) and then one of them falls for the straight brother (the ever yummy Fox Mulder David Duchovny. This film is quite definitely an X File and it should be locked in a filing cabinet never to see the light of day again.

Yup – it was bad..not even the sparkly costumes and soundtrack could save it.

Nia Vardalos, unfortunately, dominates the film – she has no chemistry with either of her co-stars and the dialogue was flat and uninspired. The uber talent Toni Collette is shamefully sidelined, wasted and in short ‘bonsied’ (def. her roots and branches trimmed so she cannot out shine anyone else). Duchovny looks uncomfortable through out and was probably waiting (and hoping) for Ashton Kutcher to jump out to ‘punk’ him.

IMO if MBFGW had not been such a cash cow then this would not have seen the light of day – or not with out some serious script doctoring.

My advice if you want to see a drag movie watch the wonderful Priscilla Queen of the Desert, a best friends from high school adventure Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion and for the ultimate cross-dressing on the run from the mob film Some Like it Hot.

Spurred into action by Neatly Sliced’s post on TV Turnoff Week I am trying to follow suit. Hopefully it will turn me into a more of a discerning viewer – concentrating on dramas and ignoring trash/filler tv (but we will see).

Inspired by this months book group read, Death in Venice, I thought of a twist for Survivor….but first I must stress that I have never watched this show…back to my idea give them three wells and infect one with cholera and see what happens. Will the smart ones in the group notice the emerging pattern? A little gruesome but hey ho and then it really would deserve it’s monicker.